- Earlier this month, I took a picture of my Mother's Day loot, and planned to post it, but obviously that never happened.
- I've been to more doctor/dentist/therapy appointments this past month than I've ever been to (within a month) over the 2+ years since we brought the kids home. We had the 4 days per week of the usual therapies and then we all went to the dentist, pediatrician and Oscar went to the orthodontist.
- Last week was the final week of school for all the kiddos, I had to go to software training for my job. Grandmas, Grandpa, and Dad got to run the kids to doctors and therapies. I actually got a full 40 hours in that week...
- Summer day camp starts tomorrow. The kids are excited about swimming, visits to the public library and weekly field trips. This year all four kids will be at the same camp for the first time - that will save Tim and me a lot of driving.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
May in a Nutshell
After we got home from Colombia, I vowed (if only to myself) to try to post at least every month. Here it is the last day of May and I haven't posted a thing :).
Sunday, April 24, 2011
The Wemmick Story
At our church we sometimes have some fairly unusual services. Today, a young married couple (Thoric and Sarah) was in charge of the Resurrection Sunday service. They chose to do a 'child-centered' service. It went a little like this:
First, Thoric had all the children in the congregation bring a hymnal up to the front of the church. He told the kids that the hymnal would represent their sin; and then asked them to hold the hymnal out in front of them for as long as they could until it started to feel heavy. Next he asked one of the kids' father come up and started stacking all the hymnals onto his outstreached arms. It was then expained that this is what Jesus did for us when he takes away our sins. He carries the burden of our sins for us (if we let him).
There was also a puppet show that asked "What is this day about?". There were three puppets, the first puppet answered that this day is about bunnies, the next said that it was about eggs. The last puppet told the children that today is really about Jesus dying for our sins so that we could have eternal life.
Sarah also read the following story (I have seen the Veggie Tales version of this story, but hadn't actually read the book) to the kids as they all sat in the front rows:
The Wemmick Story
by: Max Lucado, You Are Special
The Wemmicks were small wooden people. These little wooden people were carved by a woodworker named "Eli." Eli's workshop sat on a hill overlooking the Wemmick Village. Every one of the Wemmicks were different. Some had big noses, others had large eyes. Some were tall and others were short. Some wore hats, others wore coats. But all were made by the same carver and all lived in the same village.
All day long, every day, the Wemmicks did the same thing. They gave each other stickers. Each Wemmick had a box of golden star stickers and a box of dull gray dot stickers. Up and down the streets all over the city, people could be seen sticking gold stars or gray dots onto each other. The pretty ones, those with smooth wood and fine paint, always got shiny gold stars! But if the wood was rough or the paint was chipped, the Wemmicks gave dull gray dots. The talented ones got stars, too. Some could lift big sticks high above their heads or jump over tall boxes. Still others knew big words or could sing very pretty songs. Everyone gave them shiny gold stars! Some Wemmicks had stars all over them! Every time they got a star it made them feel so good that they did something else and got another star.
There were many other Wemmicks though that could do very little. They got dull gray dots! There was one little Wemmick and his name was "Punchinello." He tried to jump high like the others, but he always fell. And when he fell, the others would gather 'round and give him dull gray dots. Sometimes when he fell, it would scar his wood, so the people would give him more gray dots. He would try to explain why he fell and, in doing so, he would say something really silly. Then the Wemmicks would give him some more dots!!!
After a while, Punchinello had so many dots that he didn't want to go outside. He was afraid he would do something dumb such as forget his hat or step in the water, and then people would give him more dull gray dots. In fact, he had so many gray dots that some people would come up and just give him one without any reason! "He deserves lots of dots," they would say. The wooden people would agree with one another. "He's not a good wooden person," they would say. After a while Punchinello believed them. "I am not a good Wemmick!" he would say. The few times he went outside, he hung around other Wemmicks who had a lot of gray dots. At least he felt better around them.
One day, Punchinello met a Wemmick who was unlike any he'd ever met. She had no dull gray dots and did not have any shiny golden stars either. She was a wooden Wemmick and her name was "Lucia." It wasn't that people didn't try to give her stickers; it's just that the stickers didn't stick to her!!! Some admired Lucia for having no dots, so they would run up and give her a star. But it would fall off. Some would look down on her for having no stars, so they would give her a dot. But they would not stick either!!!
"That's the way I want to be!" thought Punchinello. "I don't want anyone's marks!" So he asked the "stickerless" Wemmick how she did it. "It's easy," Lucia replied. "Every day I go see Eli." Punchinello asked,"Eli? Who is Eli?" She replied "Yes, Eli, He is the woodcarver. I sit in His workshop and spend time with Him." He asked Lucia,"Why do you do that?" Lucia told him, "Why don't you find out for yourself? Go up the hill and visit with Him. He's there!" And with that, the sweet little Wemmick named Lucia turned and skipped away.
"But He won't want to see me!" Punchinello cried out to her. Lucia didn't hear him, as she was too far away. So Punchinello went home. He sat near a window and watched the wooden people as they scurried around giving each other gold stars and gray dots. "It's just not right," he muttered to himself. Then he resolved to go see Eli after all. Punchinello walked up the narrow path to the top of the hill and stepped into the big Woodcarver Shop. His little wooden eyes widened at the size of everything. The stool was as tall as he was. He had to stretch on his tippy-toes to see the top of the workbench. A hammer was as long as his arm. Punchinello swallowed hard and thought to himself, "I'm not staying here!" and he turned to leave. Then he heard his name. "Punchinello?" said this voice, so deep and strong. Just then Punchinello stopped. The voice said, "Punchinello, oh how good it is of you to come! Let me have a look at you."
Punchinello slowly turned around and looked at the large bearded craftsman and said, "Sir, you know my name?" "Of course I do. I made you," Eli said. All of a sudden, Eli stooped down and picked little Punchinello up and set him on the workbench. "Hmmmmm," the Maker spoke thoughtfully as he inspected the gray circles all over him, "Looks like you've been given some bad marks." Punchinello explained,"Oh, Eli, I didn't mean to; really I didn't!!! I really tried hard not to." The Maker said, "Oh, you don't have to defend yourself to me, my child. I don't care what the other Wemmicks think." Punchinello asked, "Really? You don't?" Then Eli said, "No and you shouldn't either. Who are they to give stars or dots? They are Wemmicks just like you. What they think really doesn't matter at all, Punchinello. All that matters is what I think. And I think you are pretty special." Punchinello laughed, "Oh, me special? How can I be special? I can't walk fast. I can't jump. My paint is peeling. I make silly mistakes all the time and I am not a beautiful Wemmick like some of the others. How could I matter to you?" Eli looked at Punchinello and put his hands on those little wooden shoulders of his and spoke very slowly, "Because Punchinello... you are mine. That's why you matter to me." Punchinello had never had anyone look at him like this before or say anything so nice, much less his Maker! He didn't know what to say!
"Punchinello, every day I've been waiting and hoping you would come to see me," Eli explained. Punchinello looked up at him and said, "I came because I met a sweet Wemmick girl who had no marks." Eli said, "I know. Lucia told me about you." So Punchinello asked, "Why don't the stickers stay on Lucia?" Eli said, "Because she has decided that what I think is more important than what anyone else thinks. The stickers only stick if you let them." Punchinello looked puzzled and said, "What?" Eli said, "Yes, the stickers only stick if they matter to you. The more you trust My love, the less you will care about those stickers." But Punchinello said, "I'm not sure I really understand. What you are saying?" The maker said, "You will, but it will take some time. You've got a lot of marks. So for now, just come to see me every day and let me remind you how much I care about you." Eli lifted Punchinello off the bench and set him on the floor. "Now remember," Eli said as the Wemmick walked out the door. "You ARE special because I made you, and I don't make mistakes."
Punchinello didn't stop, but in his heart he thought, "I think He really means it." And each time he remembered what Eli told him and each time he went to visit and talk with Eli, one of Punchinello's dots would fall off. They kept falling off and soon they were all gone!!!
So like Punchinello, we must remember one thing: "Man looks on the outward appearance, but God looks on the heart."
(I Samuel 16:7)
I like it that they thought to gear this service toward the kids. It also helped explain what this day is really all about and what we should remember and focus on this Sunday.
First, Thoric had all the children in the congregation bring a hymnal up to the front of the church. He told the kids that the hymnal would represent their sin; and then asked them to hold the hymnal out in front of them for as long as they could until it started to feel heavy. Next he asked one of the kids' father come up and started stacking all the hymnals onto his outstreached arms. It was then expained that this is what Jesus did for us when he takes away our sins. He carries the burden of our sins for us (if we let him).
There was also a puppet show that asked "What is this day about?". There were three puppets, the first puppet answered that this day is about bunnies, the next said that it was about eggs. The last puppet told the children that today is really about Jesus dying for our sins so that we could have eternal life.
Sarah also read the following story (I have seen the Veggie Tales version of this story, but hadn't actually read the book) to the kids as they all sat in the front rows:
The Wemmick Story
by: Max Lucado, You Are Special
The Wemmicks were small wooden people. These little wooden people were carved by a woodworker named "Eli." Eli's workshop sat on a hill overlooking the Wemmick Village. Every one of the Wemmicks were different. Some had big noses, others had large eyes. Some were tall and others were short. Some wore hats, others wore coats. But all were made by the same carver and all lived in the same village.
All day long, every day, the Wemmicks did the same thing. They gave each other stickers. Each Wemmick had a box of golden star stickers and a box of dull gray dot stickers. Up and down the streets all over the city, people could be seen sticking gold stars or gray dots onto each other. The pretty ones, those with smooth wood and fine paint, always got shiny gold stars! But if the wood was rough or the paint was chipped, the Wemmicks gave dull gray dots. The talented ones got stars, too. Some could lift big sticks high above their heads or jump over tall boxes. Still others knew big words or could sing very pretty songs. Everyone gave them shiny gold stars! Some Wemmicks had stars all over them! Every time they got a star it made them feel so good that they did something else and got another star.
There were many other Wemmicks though that could do very little. They got dull gray dots! There was one little Wemmick and his name was "Punchinello." He tried to jump high like the others, but he always fell. And when he fell, the others would gather 'round and give him dull gray dots. Sometimes when he fell, it would scar his wood, so the people would give him more gray dots. He would try to explain why he fell and, in doing so, he would say something really silly. Then the Wemmicks would give him some more dots!!!
After a while, Punchinello had so many dots that he didn't want to go outside. He was afraid he would do something dumb such as forget his hat or step in the water, and then people would give him more dull gray dots. In fact, he had so many gray dots that some people would come up and just give him one without any reason! "He deserves lots of dots," they would say. The wooden people would agree with one another. "He's not a good wooden person," they would say. After a while Punchinello believed them. "I am not a good Wemmick!" he would say. The few times he went outside, he hung around other Wemmicks who had a lot of gray dots. At least he felt better around them.
One day, Punchinello met a Wemmick who was unlike any he'd ever met. She had no dull gray dots and did not have any shiny golden stars either. She was a wooden Wemmick and her name was "Lucia." It wasn't that people didn't try to give her stickers; it's just that the stickers didn't stick to her!!! Some admired Lucia for having no dots, so they would run up and give her a star. But it would fall off. Some would look down on her for having no stars, so they would give her a dot. But they would not stick either!!!
"That's the way I want to be!" thought Punchinello. "I don't want anyone's marks!" So he asked the "stickerless" Wemmick how she did it. "It's easy," Lucia replied. "Every day I go see Eli." Punchinello asked,"Eli? Who is Eli?" She replied "Yes, Eli, He is the woodcarver. I sit in His workshop and spend time with Him." He asked Lucia,"Why do you do that?" Lucia told him, "Why don't you find out for yourself? Go up the hill and visit with Him. He's there!" And with that, the sweet little Wemmick named Lucia turned and skipped away.
"But He won't want to see me!" Punchinello cried out to her. Lucia didn't hear him, as she was too far away. So Punchinello went home. He sat near a window and watched the wooden people as they scurried around giving each other gold stars and gray dots. "It's just not right," he muttered to himself. Then he resolved to go see Eli after all. Punchinello walked up the narrow path to the top of the hill and stepped into the big Woodcarver Shop. His little wooden eyes widened at the size of everything. The stool was as tall as he was. He had to stretch on his tippy-toes to see the top of the workbench. A hammer was as long as his arm. Punchinello swallowed hard and thought to himself, "I'm not staying here!" and he turned to leave. Then he heard his name. "Punchinello?" said this voice, so deep and strong. Just then Punchinello stopped. The voice said, "Punchinello, oh how good it is of you to come! Let me have a look at you."
Punchinello slowly turned around and looked at the large bearded craftsman and said, "Sir, you know my name?" "Of course I do. I made you," Eli said. All of a sudden, Eli stooped down and picked little Punchinello up and set him on the workbench. "Hmmmmm," the Maker spoke thoughtfully as he inspected the gray circles all over him, "Looks like you've been given some bad marks." Punchinello explained,"Oh, Eli, I didn't mean to; really I didn't!!! I really tried hard not to." The Maker said, "Oh, you don't have to defend yourself to me, my child. I don't care what the other Wemmicks think." Punchinello asked, "Really? You don't?" Then Eli said, "No and you shouldn't either. Who are they to give stars or dots? They are Wemmicks just like you. What they think really doesn't matter at all, Punchinello. All that matters is what I think. And I think you are pretty special." Punchinello laughed, "Oh, me special? How can I be special? I can't walk fast. I can't jump. My paint is peeling. I make silly mistakes all the time and I am not a beautiful Wemmick like some of the others. How could I matter to you?" Eli looked at Punchinello and put his hands on those little wooden shoulders of his and spoke very slowly, "Because Punchinello... you are mine. That's why you matter to me." Punchinello had never had anyone look at him like this before or say anything so nice, much less his Maker! He didn't know what to say!
"Punchinello, every day I've been waiting and hoping you would come to see me," Eli explained. Punchinello looked up at him and said, "I came because I met a sweet Wemmick girl who had no marks." Eli said, "I know. Lucia told me about you." So Punchinello asked, "Why don't the stickers stay on Lucia?" Eli said, "Because she has decided that what I think is more important than what anyone else thinks. The stickers only stick if you let them." Punchinello looked puzzled and said, "What?" Eli said, "Yes, the stickers only stick if they matter to you. The more you trust My love, the less you will care about those stickers." But Punchinello said, "I'm not sure I really understand. What you are saying?" The maker said, "You will, but it will take some time. You've got a lot of marks. So for now, just come to see me every day and let me remind you how much I care about you." Eli lifted Punchinello off the bench and set him on the floor. "Now remember," Eli said as the Wemmick walked out the door. "You ARE special because I made you, and I don't make mistakes."
Punchinello didn't stop, but in his heart he thought, "I think He really means it." And each time he remembered what Eli told him and each time he went to visit and talk with Eli, one of Punchinello's dots would fall off. They kept falling off and soon they were all gone!!!
So like Punchinello, we must remember one thing: "Man looks on the outward appearance, but God looks on the heart."
(I Samuel 16:7)
I like it that they thought to gear this service toward the kids. It also helped explain what this day is really all about and what we should remember and focus on this Sunday.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
An Actual Update
I haven't blogged about what's been going on lately. Actually, I don't think I've done that for several months - so here it goes...
Oscar got braces on December 30th. He'll be getting an "appliance" soon that should help with his jaw alignment. He's generally doing pretty well in school. His reading is improving, but he still stuggles. He still has an obstinate streak, but the school is working with us to correct that when it comes up. He is also continuing with karate and went to his second tourney at the end of January - came home with some more trophies. He has now started learning his second kata and is training with a bo (a long stick with tapered ends) so he can enter the weapons category when he goes to other tournaments. Vision therapy is going well with Oscar, he is getting better eye teaming and can see 3D even at a distance now (could only see it at close range before). This is helping his reading skills too. We are doing speech therapy twice a week and his speech is getting much more intelligible, but he still speaks with an accent (our vision therapy doctor tells him not to lose the accent because the girls love it - he doesn't really notice girls yet, so the doctor's comment doesn't phase him). We start our second round of auditory processing therapy in May.
Diana started wearing her glasses full time in February. She has check-ups every three months at vision therapy with the doctor. The last one she had, we had a snow day that day - so she hadn't worn her glasses all day. She tested horribly on her 3D vision. The next week the doctor tested her again - she did a lot better, but she had been at school all day and therefore had been wearing her glasses most of the day. After that, I decided she needs to wear her glasses all day. We'll see how she does on her next testing coming up here in about a month. They are really focusing on 3D vision excercises during therapy now. She has started reading too with better fluency (she doesn't have to sound out every word anymore). The past 3 weeks she has gotten 100% on her spelling tests (which tells me her memory is getting better). The teacher has moved her up to 3rd grade reading. However, she started having tantrums at school when the teacher asked her to do anything that was the least bit challenging for her, so we are working with the school to correct her behavior too. She goes to speech therapy the same days Oscar does and will also return for a second round of AP therapy too. Her speech has improved also, but she is still hard to understand most of the time.
Mayerly continues to struggle at school, but we are seeing improvement with her too. Reading is still hard for her, but that (I believe) has a lot to do with the fact that she has eye teaming difficulties too. As soon as one of the older two 'graduates' from vision therapy, we will start her. I wish we could afford to start her now, but we can't. For now, we got her some glasses which should help her. She has had some minor behavior issues at school too. She was camping out in the bathroom, when she didn't feel like being in class (she does this at home too when she doesn't want to do what she's supposed to be doing). She wasn't bringing her homework home either (she just wasn't doing it and shoving it in her desk). The gig was up after parent/teacher conferences though. She only gets to go to to the bathroom with the class now and she gets busted big time if she doesn't bring her homework home every night. And if she "forgets" to bring her Friday Folder home, I print off a big stack of worksheets for her to work on all weekend and she doesn't get to watch TV either. Amazing how the folder comes home every weekend now - after only a couple of weekends of "forgetting" it. Her speech is the clearest of all the kids', so we should escape speech and AP therapy with her.
Claudia is doing well in her class. Lately, she has been taking a page from the 'Mayerly playbook' and acts like she doesn't understand things that I know she does (she's doing it with her teacher at school too who has the same opinion of the situation). We have ways of dealing with her acting out too. She got to do extra worksheets - in order to work on her "weak areas" - until she decided she really did know how to do that stuff. She had to finish them before TV or playing. Again, amazing turn around. Her reading fluency is better than any of the rest of the kids'. However, she also got reading glasses back in December. She has an eye tracking problem that the doctor gave me some at-home excercises (Michigan Tracking) to do with her. I'm thinking about getting an at-home computer program to work on auditory processing with her. I think she has a milder problem with AP than her older brother and sister, so we'll try at-home therapy first with her.
On a somewhat related note, as we drive around town lately I hear the kids reading outloud the signs on the buildings. Absolute music to my ears. I was beginning to wonder if we would ever get there (voluntarily reading things on their own). Oh me of little faith.
The girls are also beginning to express interest in taking up a hobby. Mayerly says she wants to take dance lessons (we'll see if we can work it in). Diana colors pictures or makes a card for me almost daily. Claudia really likes the skates she got for Christmas and practices in the driveway whenever the weather allows. I'm just glad they are finally showing an interest in something other than watching TV (which I don't let them do very much) and fighting with each other :).
Oscar got braces on December 30th. He'll be getting an "appliance" soon that should help with his jaw alignment. He's generally doing pretty well in school. His reading is improving, but he still stuggles. He still has an obstinate streak, but the school is working with us to correct that when it comes up. He is also continuing with karate and went to his second tourney at the end of January - came home with some more trophies. He has now started learning his second kata and is training with a bo (a long stick with tapered ends) so he can enter the weapons category when he goes to other tournaments. Vision therapy is going well with Oscar, he is getting better eye teaming and can see 3D even at a distance now (could only see it at close range before). This is helping his reading skills too. We are doing speech therapy twice a week and his speech is getting much more intelligible, but he still speaks with an accent (our vision therapy doctor tells him not to lose the accent because the girls love it - he doesn't really notice girls yet, so the doctor's comment doesn't phase him). We start our second round of auditory processing therapy in May.
Diana started wearing her glasses full time in February. She has check-ups every three months at vision therapy with the doctor. The last one she had, we had a snow day that day - so she hadn't worn her glasses all day. She tested horribly on her 3D vision. The next week the doctor tested her again - she did a lot better, but she had been at school all day and therefore had been wearing her glasses most of the day. After that, I decided she needs to wear her glasses all day. We'll see how she does on her next testing coming up here in about a month. They are really focusing on 3D vision excercises during therapy now. She has started reading too with better fluency (she doesn't have to sound out every word anymore). The past 3 weeks she has gotten 100% on her spelling tests (which tells me her memory is getting better). The teacher has moved her up to 3rd grade reading. However, she started having tantrums at school when the teacher asked her to do anything that was the least bit challenging for her, so we are working with the school to correct her behavior too. She goes to speech therapy the same days Oscar does and will also return for a second round of AP therapy too. Her speech has improved also, but she is still hard to understand most of the time.
Mayerly continues to struggle at school, but we are seeing improvement with her too. Reading is still hard for her, but that (I believe) has a lot to do with the fact that she has eye teaming difficulties too. As soon as one of the older two 'graduates' from vision therapy, we will start her. I wish we could afford to start her now, but we can't. For now, we got her some glasses which should help her. She has had some minor behavior issues at school too. She was camping out in the bathroom, when she didn't feel like being in class (she does this at home too when she doesn't want to do what she's supposed to be doing). She wasn't bringing her homework home either (she just wasn't doing it and shoving it in her desk). The gig was up after parent/teacher conferences though. She only gets to go to to the bathroom with the class now and she gets busted big time if she doesn't bring her homework home every night. And if she "forgets" to bring her Friday Folder home, I print off a big stack of worksheets for her to work on all weekend and she doesn't get to watch TV either. Amazing how the folder comes home every weekend now - after only a couple of weekends of "forgetting" it. Her speech is the clearest of all the kids', so we should escape speech and AP therapy with her.
Claudia is doing well in her class. Lately, she has been taking a page from the 'Mayerly playbook' and acts like she doesn't understand things that I know she does (she's doing it with her teacher at school too who has the same opinion of the situation). We have ways of dealing with her acting out too. She got to do extra worksheets - in order to work on her "weak areas" - until she decided she really did know how to do that stuff. She had to finish them before TV or playing. Again, amazing turn around. Her reading fluency is better than any of the rest of the kids'. However, she also got reading glasses back in December. She has an eye tracking problem that the doctor gave me some at-home excercises (Michigan Tracking) to do with her. I'm thinking about getting an at-home computer program to work on auditory processing with her. I think she has a milder problem with AP than her older brother and sister, so we'll try at-home therapy first with her.
On a somewhat related note, as we drive around town lately I hear the kids reading outloud the signs on the buildings. Absolute music to my ears. I was beginning to wonder if we would ever get there (voluntarily reading things on their own). Oh me of little faith.
The girls are also beginning to express interest in taking up a hobby. Mayerly says she wants to take dance lessons (we'll see if we can work it in). Diana colors pictures or makes a card for me almost daily. Claudia really likes the skates she got for Christmas and practices in the driveway whenever the weather allows. I'm just glad they are finally showing an interest in something other than watching TV (which I don't let them do very much) and fighting with each other :).
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Claudia's 8th Birthday
Orange MP3 from Mom & Dad
Legos from G'ma and G'pa Verhulst
February 17, 2011
(it was 75 degrees here today, that's why she's wearing shorts)
February 17, 2010
February 17, 2009
Monday, February 14, 2011
On a Much Less Serious Note...
Okay, the kids have been home for two years now, right? From any of you who already have your kids home for awhile now, is it safe now to put the trash can back in the downstairs bathroom in your opinion? We put the one in the upstairs bathroom on the window ledge - away from the toilet (we still keep it there, think we can take it down yet?). If you've already been to Colombia, you probably already know why we did this... for the rest of you, it will remain a mystery unless someone gets graphic with any comments to this question, because I'm not spelling it out!
Nevermind the hand-painted, Mexican talavera ceramic soap dispenser and soap dish - they may be seen again when all our kids have entered high school... I bought plastic soap dispensers at the $1 store soon after we came home. This is just "kid-proofing" the bathroom, it doesn't have anything to do with "cultural differences" between the US and Colombia.
Nevermind the hand-painted, Mexican talavera ceramic soap dispenser and soap dish - they may be seen again when all our kids have entered high school... I bought plastic soap dispensers at the $1 store soon after we came home. This is just "kid-proofing" the bathroom, it doesn't have anything to do with "cultural differences" between the US and Colombia.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Being Grafted into a Family
So as I mentioned, I've been reading a lot of chat rooms and blogs lately. I came across one called Adoptees' Cafe. It is one of the more uplifting ones that I have read. I especially like her post which talks about the biblical analogy of horticultural grafting, as in how we all are "wild" and separate from God's family, but can be "grafted in" and become "tame" and nourished by His roots. The author goes on to talk about how adoption works in much the same way. (You have to click the link above to her blog. I can't copy and paste it into my blog because it is copyrighted material.)
Tim and I openly talk about life "before" with our kids. We talk with them about their lives in Colombia with their biological parent(s) and also the years they spent in the orphanage and their friends and caregivers there. We also talk about how things were with Tim and I before our "life with kids" began. One of the easier things about older child adoption is you don't have to ever have the "you were adopted" talk with your kids. They were there and very aware of what was going on as we were in Colombia finalizing. I think the time to start talking about adoption with your kids is in the very beginning, no matter how old or young they are.
The Director of the Colombia Program at our agency was herself adopted as an infant (domestically). She talked about how her parents handled talking to her about adoption in our last email newsletter. I think her parents handled it perfectly:
I was adopted at the age of two months from Catholic Social Services in South Dakota. My parents always told me that I was adopted. They used the word often and I grew up in a positive atmosphere. I learned that families are created differently and that mine was pretty unique. I was open with my friends about my adoption and in fact, in elementary school many of my friends told me that they wished they were adopted like me! Every year we would celebrate my “Special Adoption Day,” the day that my parents got me. My parents would let me pick where I wanted to go out to eat. My mom was happy when I stopped saying McDonald’s! My Dad would get off of work early and we would spend the day together. Not only did my parents talk to me about my adoption on this day, they did bring it up other times throughout the year as well. I remember once when my mom tucked me into bed on my birthday and she said, “Let’s say an extra prayer for your birth mom today, because she is probably thinking of you.” Because my parents brought my adoption up and talked about it, I grew up with the sense that it was okay to also bring the topic up myself, if ever I had any questions, because they were open about it. Mine was a closed adoption, so we didn’t know much about my birth family, but as I said, I was able to talk about the subject with my parents because we had such an open and honest relationship.
I know I probably don't do as well as I could at being as open as our Director's parents were with her. I do try. However, I also believe that our kids don't feel self-concious about being adopted by us any more than we are self-concious about being adopted by them... and they did decide to adopt us too. But they don't usually really "adopt" you until long after all the paperwork is finished. ;-)
Tim and I openly talk about life "before" with our kids. We talk with them about their lives in Colombia with their biological parent(s) and also the years they spent in the orphanage and their friends and caregivers there. We also talk about how things were with Tim and I before our "life with kids" began. One of the easier things about older child adoption is you don't have to ever have the "you were adopted" talk with your kids. They were there and very aware of what was going on as we were in Colombia finalizing. I think the time to start talking about adoption with your kids is in the very beginning, no matter how old or young they are.
The Director of the Colombia Program at our agency was herself adopted as an infant (domestically). She talked about how her parents handled talking to her about adoption in our last email newsletter. I think her parents handled it perfectly:
I was adopted at the age of two months from Catholic Social Services in South Dakota. My parents always told me that I was adopted. They used the word often and I grew up in a positive atmosphere. I learned that families are created differently and that mine was pretty unique. I was open with my friends about my adoption and in fact, in elementary school many of my friends told me that they wished they were adopted like me! Every year we would celebrate my “Special Adoption Day,” the day that my parents got me. My parents would let me pick where I wanted to go out to eat. My mom was happy when I stopped saying McDonald’s! My Dad would get off of work early and we would spend the day together. Not only did my parents talk to me about my adoption on this day, they did bring it up other times throughout the year as well. I remember once when my mom tucked me into bed on my birthday and she said, “Let’s say an extra prayer for your birth mom today, because she is probably thinking of you.” Because my parents brought my adoption up and talked about it, I grew up with the sense that it was okay to also bring the topic up myself, if ever I had any questions, because they were open about it. Mine was a closed adoption, so we didn’t know much about my birth family, but as I said, I was able to talk about the subject with my parents because we had such an open and honest relationship.
I know I probably don't do as well as I could at being as open as our Director's parents were with her. I do try. However, I also believe that our kids don't feel self-concious about being adopted by us any more than we are self-concious about being adopted by them... and they did decide to adopt us too. But they don't usually really "adopt" you until long after all the paperwork is finished. ;-)
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Warning: Heavy, Taboo Subject Matter Below
My husband is going to say (as he often does) that I have "over-shared" with this post. But it has been on my mind for a long, long time now, and I've never read this subject addressed in any other blog I've read up until now, so here it goes...
Everyone on the adoptive parent side of the adoption equation usually has a very rosy, almost naive view of the situation. I know I did. Kids needing parents, would-be parents without kids or wanting to expand their existing families - just put them together and problem solved for everyone, right? But unless you get below the surface of it, you can't see the loss. The loss of a former identity, of culture, of language, of friends, of a family that resembles you physically...
So, Tim and I adopted our four kids 2 years ago. There are probably a hundred blogs out there about families who have adopted much as we did. Some families have adopted more siblings, some fewer, some adopted a portion of a sibling group, while others adopted the remaining siblings (which I support because, while not ideal, it is better than the alternative - growing up without any parents to guide them into adulthood - and as long as contact is allowed with the siblings adopted into other families), and most families adopt just one child (mostly infants) at a time. All a good thing for all involved, right? And where am I going with this?
Does it ever cross your mind that your children may have more biological siblings "out there"? Do you ever allow yourself to think about such things? Does it drive you crazy knowing the unspeakable details concerning your kids lives "before" (usually in the case of older child adoption, but not always), and wondering if there may be others continuing to live in the same hellacious circumstances that your kids managed to survive and eventually escape? I do. Do you ever wonder if a sibling has been adopted by another family before or after you adopted your child/ren? I do.
Do you ever wonder if your child/ren will some day ask you to help try to find siblings or other biological family in their country of origin (in our case Colombia)? What would you do if your child asked you to do this? Would you be willing to help, or would you try to avoid the whole situation, or even discourage it? What if your child was still a minor and asked this of you? Would you be willing to "open" your currently "closed" foreign adoption? For these questions, I don't have any easy answers.
Several months ago, I had a conversation with another adoptive mother concerning a biological sibling that was "left behind". This particular sibling could have been adopted by the family, but chose to stay behind. The family still has contact with this sibling and they were still considering adoption last I heard. This is only the second time I have ever even heard anyone talk about this happening.
Maybe I should just stop reading blogs and chat group posts from adult adoptees - many of them are searching for a part of themselves that they feel is missing (incidently, most were adopted as infants). But I'm always trying to get an idea of what things might look like from our kid's point of view, especially after they reach adulthood. And I probably just think and worry too much about things that I ultimately have no control over... do you?
Everyone on the adoptive parent side of the adoption equation usually has a very rosy, almost naive view of the situation. I know I did. Kids needing parents, would-be parents without kids or wanting to expand their existing families - just put them together and problem solved for everyone, right? But unless you get below the surface of it, you can't see the loss. The loss of a former identity, of culture, of language, of friends, of a family that resembles you physically...
So, Tim and I adopted our four kids 2 years ago. There are probably a hundred blogs out there about families who have adopted much as we did. Some families have adopted more siblings, some fewer, some adopted a portion of a sibling group, while others adopted the remaining siblings (which I support because, while not ideal, it is better than the alternative - growing up without any parents to guide them into adulthood - and as long as contact is allowed with the siblings adopted into other families), and most families adopt just one child (mostly infants) at a time. All a good thing for all involved, right? And where am I going with this?
Does it ever cross your mind that your children may have more biological siblings "out there"? Do you ever allow yourself to think about such things? Does it drive you crazy knowing the unspeakable details concerning your kids lives "before" (usually in the case of older child adoption, but not always), and wondering if there may be others continuing to live in the same hellacious circumstances that your kids managed to survive and eventually escape? I do. Do you ever wonder if a sibling has been adopted by another family before or after you adopted your child/ren? I do.
Do you ever wonder if your child/ren will some day ask you to help try to find siblings or other biological family in their country of origin (in our case Colombia)? What would you do if your child asked you to do this? Would you be willing to help, or would you try to avoid the whole situation, or even discourage it? What if your child was still a minor and asked this of you? Would you be willing to "open" your currently "closed" foreign adoption? For these questions, I don't have any easy answers.
Several months ago, I had a conversation with another adoptive mother concerning a biological sibling that was "left behind". This particular sibling could have been adopted by the family, but chose to stay behind. The family still has contact with this sibling and they were still considering adoption last I heard. This is only the second time I have ever even heard anyone talk about this happening.
Maybe I should just stop reading blogs and chat group posts from adult adoptees - many of them are searching for a part of themselves that they feel is missing (incidently, most were adopted as infants). But I'm always trying to get an idea of what things might look like from our kid's point of view, especially after they reach adulthood. And I probably just think and worry too much about things that I ultimately have no control over... do you?
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